Loosening Up As a Mommy Interview

I interviewed a mom I know, who had some fantastic advice. I felt she had words of wisdom that all mothers needed to hear. The next time I met her, I sat her down and asked her to share her thoughts on what she has learned from her experience as a busy mom.

Name: Nida

Age: mid 30’s 

City: San Francisco 

Kids: 3

Ages: 10, 7 and 4

How were you as a mommy a few years ago?

I had to be in control of everything because I was afraid that if things were out of my control, it would not be manageable for me. I ended up doing everything myself and had high ideals and rigid rules. I forgot about myself as a person, and I was only a wife and a mother. This made me lose who I was. I found it hard to relax and rest because of the kids. I was very dependent on my spouse emotionally as well as relying on him for things that needed to be done. I felt it was his job to make me happy and on weekends I use to feel pressured to always do things as a family.

How are you as a mommy now?

I have learned to be more independent emotionally, by realizing that I am in control of my happiness. I have become more forgiving and non-judgemental, maybe because of the wisdom that comes with age and realizing my own mortality. I realize that weekends and ‘family time’ do not have to include all of us together only, it can mean time that the kids spend with their dad on their own, which also frees up time for me to do what I need to do. I started to make time for things I enjoyed and realized my interests & hobbies. I learnt to release some of the control to my husband, especially concerning the kids and did not worry how he dealt with them when they were in his care. I took up kickboxing as a way to feel empowered and gain some confidence in myself.

What advice can you give to other moms?
  • Get advice by reading – I use to read up on solutions to my problems, but what I read did not stick at first, but over the years what I read came back to my mind.
  • Find a hobby – If you are at home a lot, try to do something outside, like taking up an exercise class or something recreational.
  • Take a break from the kids – Leave the kids sometimes with their dad or if that is not an option, a family member or trustworthy babysitter.
  • Have girlfriends – You should have friends to talk to. I noticed between 25-35 years of age, I had neglected having friends and that was missing.
  • Importance of prayer – I learned the importance of intention and feeling close to God in my heart.
What are your final words of wisdom?

You don’t have to be a mother that is there for every small, little thing that your child needs in their lives when they are young. You can delegate some of the responsibility to someone else and realize that there will be many times in the future that your kids will still need you to be a mom for them, Inshallah. Your role may be even more important when they are older as they will always need you for something in their lives, so don’t feel guilty if you can’t do it all now.

Thank you for sharing those words of wisdom with us Mommy N. May Allah make this road of motherhood easy and blessed for us all, ameen.

Thank you, it was my pleasure!

8 thoughts on “Loosening Up As a Mommy Interview”

    1. Thanks for the emails of concern Samreen and your loyal support. Sorry I did not reply to your few questions but I could not address many things these past two months. I know u asked me about dealing with lying in kids and frankly, I’m still finding a solution to that one. I have read somewhere that it is best to not make it a big deal when kids are young because they do live in somewhat of a make believe world. As for your other questions pertaining to dealing with homeschooling your two young kids, I honestly think you are trying to achieve too much for ones so young. I see that, in my own kids, the ones under 7 years of age, are unable to do any rigid curriculum and they learn best through stories and hands on activities. Let them learn to read and write when they are ready and do not push your little ones to do it all right now or they will be turned off at a later age. This is just my 2c after my experience with my own kids. Hope this helps Samreen.

  1. Assalamualaikum, I was wondering what had happened to you….. Glad to hear from you….I love following your blogs, makes me feel that I’m not alone in this crazy world. Thanks for sharing with us other moms experiences and tips. You doing an amazing job Zakiya, keep it up!

    1. Wa Alaikum Salaam Naz! Thank you, thank you & a big thanks for supporting me and my blog. I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that my writing is supporting your life in some way. Your words brought a smile to my face & a peace to my heart. Shukran!

  2. It is so good to see you back ! Thank you for the reminders about how to help with the burnout feelings! I am glad things are looking better for you. Homeschooling is very challenging and demanding but sooo rewarding at the same time. I also enjoyed reading the interview! Keep up the great work that you do. :)

    1. Thank you mamatomany, you sound busy too! Your praise is much appreciated and I thank you for taking the time to drop your note and tell me this sister!

  3. Jazakallahu Akhir, that is exactly what is going on here too. I sent my son back to school, as single mom you can only do so much. Working and homeschooling didn’t work for us, unfortunately.
    I hope things will be going better now for all of us.

    1. You are welcome Iman! Yes, do what you can, your intention is what counts and everyone’s situation is different. You cannot compare your life to someone else’s. Thanks for saying hi, keep strong sister and May Allah be with you.

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