When Motherhood Seems Tough
All of us at one time or another go through tough times and moments of despair - even desperation. Our first instinct is to cry out, "Why me?!"We forget that sometimes we are being tested and sometimes we have brought it upon ourselves. The Quran says:
"Whatever of good reaches you, is from Allah, but whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself. And We have sent you (O Muhammad SAW) as a Messenger to mankind, and Allah is Sufficient as a Witness." (An-Nisa Verse 79)
Even when we understand this, we think, "How unfair is this life!" or "How unlucky I am!". We become focused on our troubles, thinking we're the only one in distress. Some of us feel entitled because we make salah and abstain from bad deeds, so we think that we shouldn't be made to suffer. If this were the case, then why was our beloved Prophet SAW put through hardship and tribulation when his faith was immense?
When our imaan becomes strong, Allah SWT tests us. Think about it, as we get closer to Him we cry out, "O Allah we put our trust in You. We believe in You. We want to please You", so shouldn't we get tested on what we say? If we are not tested, how do we prove to Allah SWT of the faith we claim and not make empty promises?
When it comes to the struggles of motherhood, you will hear many moms complain because motherhood is downright tough! But during these times we need to show extra sabr and focus on our blessings, because Allah may be testing us. It's not easy to develop sabr and endurance, but Allah assures us that, "With every difficulty there is ease. (Quran)." Also, we should be aware that everyone is fighting a battle and we may not know what's happening behind closed doors.
If you notice yourself complaining a lot, it points to weakness in imaan, and I remind myself of this too. There is a difference between venting to your husband, girlfriend, or sister, and complaining continuously and regularly to whoever will listen. I don't mean to say that you should keep everything bottled up inside either, that's definitely not healthy, but there are ways to talk about your problems and relieve the stress without complaining and displeasing Allah.
You can express your hardship to others if you seek advice or need to explain a circumstance. But before calling up a friend or talking to a loved one about your problems, put your trust in Allah and turn to Him for help first.Then, change your condition if possible, and if not, look towards people who have to endure a greater trial than yourself. This will help you deal with the struggles that are unchangeable or may be a test. To explain this further, I will share an extract about a sister who showed good character.
A Muslim sister who often shared inspiration on her social network page, mentioned to her readers one day, that she was going through a hard time and needed to take a break from posting on her page. She expressed her feelings of sadness, but did not complain. What was most admirable, was even though she was experiencing a tough time, she wrote about maintaining patience during hard times and shared examples of mothers she knew who were dealing with greater struggles. This is what she wrote:
"I am touched by all the kind words. Do give me some downtime. However, I must say, as much as some of you say you are inspired by my posts, I am actually surrounded by inspiring parents myself. I am also learning from them. Among my friends too, I have so much to learn. For example,
A mother pregnant with her seventh child while caring for six kids without help, one of them special needs and carrying out her homemaker duties
A mother of five with a child who's recovered from cancer and continues her dawah, teaching duties and business
A mother with autistic children who gave up her career to care for them
A single mother who started a business to support her child
A mother of four who raises another four children from her husband's previous wife, thus raising eight kids and holding two jobs to support them all
A mother who raises ten kids into huffaz
A mother who was pregnant with her sixth child, only to find her husband had another woman and makes peace with it
A mother whose husband abused her
A mother on a wheelchair who works to support her three children
A mother with five kids, one with special needs, and she still teaches and completed her Masters
A mother whose children have returned to Allah (SWT) and goes through life after the initial grief
I have much more examples of real life mothers whom I know personally and are really awesome, masha Allah. Behind these mothers are Allah and they are all my inspiration. I am nothing compared to these mothers. May Allah help us and guide us, and please forgive me if I need some downtime for a while. May Allah bless you for your encouragement." - Umm A
Alhumdulillah we can use her example to learn how to share and bear hardship with patience, and look at those in a worse situation than ourselves. Our strength of imaan comes only from our faith and trust in the Most Merciful and Compassionate One. So hang in there mom, you're not alone in your struggle when He is there.